1. (9) Kasey Kahne, Ford, Budweiser

The last time Kasey was on the pole was the race Joey and Newman got into a fight. Fingers crossed for a trend.

2. (98) Paul Menard, Ford, Zecol/Menards

I read that RPM swept the front row and was so confused. Why do I never remember what team he's on?

3. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, DuPont

Did you hear that DuPont's leaving him? Maybe he'll get a sponsor that doesn't confuse me.

4. (20) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot

He is wearing red for the nationwide race. That is a great color on him. Maybe he's to pale for the black or something. Also this is a totally not crappy place to qualify. I guess someone explained numbers to him.

5. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, Sherwin Williams/3M

+1 for the crystal ball.

6. (39) Ryan Newman, Chevrolet, U.S. Army

I totally wouldn't mind him fighting with someone.

7. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Chevrolet, Target

The Nationwide race is not on because of football. Could ESPN please stop screwing us over like that?

8. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, Crown Royal Black

I still apologize for last week.

9. (2) Kurt Busch, Dodge, Operation Home Front/Miller Lite

His voice bugs me.

10. (6) David Ragan, Ford, UPS

Remember that time he led, like, a lap at Michigan?

11. (21) Bill Elliott, Ford, Motorcraft/Quick Lane Tire & Auto Center

I was following qualifying on my phone when he bested Denny. I laughed so hard.

12. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Freight

My mom said she's seen his parents. I think that's he way of saying "If you don't start being nice to him I'm going to have a talk with his parents."

13. (78) Regan Smith, Chevrolet, Furniture Row Companies

My dad and I were talking about the Talladega race in 2008. I asked who won and he said that was the race that the guy who never does anything won but was below the line. I thought he was talking about Joey at first, but then he said it was Regan.

14. (14) Tony Stewart, Chevrolet, Office Depot/Old Spice

Tony was the one who actually won that race.

15. (19) Elliott Sadler, Ford, Stanley/Susan G Komen for the Cure

The color of his car is cute, but still not the color I would want. Also his sunglasses are ugly.

16. (00) David Reutimann, Toyota, Aaron's Dream Machine

Whatever happened to Tums?

17. (09) Bobby Labonte, Chevrolet, Phoenix Construction

He led laps at Dover, I think.

18. (77) Sam Hornish Jr., Dodge, AAA

I was watching the Atlanta race. I laugh so much when Kurt says "Are we driving the 77's set-up?"

19. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, M&M's

Ryan and Sam just tweeted that Kyle took the lead. I'm not watching because of fucking football.

20. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, National Guard/Amp Energy

I've started getting youtube subscribers and twitter followers with "88" in their title.

21. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's/Johns Manville

Maybe things will go like they did in New Hampshire and everyone will go all crazed for positions.

22. (1) Jamie McMurray, Chevrolet, Bass Pro Shops/Tracker

I enjoy doing the weekly Jamie watch. I'd enjoy it a little more if he were in the chase.

23. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, Caterpillar

At Richmond when it was raining his spotter/crew chief informed him that it was clearing up. To which he responded "No! It's a monsoon!"

24. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Shell/Pennzoil

Delana just tweeted that Happy took the lead. Oh! It's finally on! After 11 laps.

25. (56) Martin Truex Jr., Toyota, NAPA/Susan G Komen for the Cure

His car needs more pink. He's in the Nationwide race now.

26. (12) Brad Keselowski, Dodge, Penske Racing

Never discussing him with my mother.

27. (33) Clint Bowyer, Chevrolet, Cheerios/Hamburger Helper

I was playing with a quarter earlier. Can you believe that a quarter is everything to this team?

28. (5) Mark Martin, Chevrolet, GoDaddy.com

I love him, but he needs to start doing well again

29. (46) Michael McDowell, Chevrolet, Cash America

Kyle's leading the Nationwide race.

30. (43) A.J. Allmendinger, Ford, Insignia HDTV/Best Buy

He did beyond awesome last week. Do it again.

31. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Aflac

Really? 31st? At least he's 5th right now in the Nationwide race.

32. (47) Marcos Ambrose, Toyota, Little Debbie

He did good at Richmond. I was stunned.

33. (82) Scott Speed, Toyota, Red Bull

I was watching Atlanta when he was on fire. Pretty funny.

34. (83) Reed Sorenson, Toyota, Red Bull

Is he going to get a ride next year?

35. (64) Landon Cassill, Toyota, Gunselman Motorsports

He is not my buddy and if my dad says that one more time he will feel the wrath.

36. (26) Patrick Carpentier, Ford, Air National Guard

Kyle is still leading in the Nationwide race. I say this as if it's news.

37. (13) Casey Mears, Toyota, GEICO

I get so worried that the curse of CM will come back. Not yet.

38. (37) David Gilliland, Ford, Taco Bell

When my dad was telling me about the All Star race we were at Taco Bell.