Oh, let's just keep talking about four time. lalalalala. I'm not listeeening.
1. (1) Jamie McMurray
Whoooa. McMurray was faaaast in qualifying. Like you could ski on the lap tracker because it was so much above Montoya. They said he should get the whole front row because he was so fast. And then he proceeded to have the cutest post-qualifying interview ever.
2. (19) Elliott Sadler
So, like Sadler qualified second? Which is funny because I've read more than a couple McMurray Sadler jokes. I still don't understand them. But dammmmn. He needs a good finish.
3. (17) Matt Kenseth
Kenseth won last year in the "Spring" which was his last win.
4. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya
Montoya bumped Biff and Mouse. His crew chief told him not to comment about how he felt about the lap so as not to give it away to other teams listening. The ESPN guy said "he could say it in Spanish" He's weird when he makes jokes or tries to seem nice. And his glasses are the ugliest thing ever. In case you cared.
5. (9) Kasey Kahne
When Kasey was qualifying I had images of the pictures Viv was sending me during school. I was on the bus and went "Ohmigosh" at the first one, I expained what it was to my friends to which they said "Are you sexting?" "No!" I responded. Then the second picture came which I shouted "OH MY GOD" and my friends once again asked "Are you sure you're not sexting?" and truthfully, I told them "Not sure anymore."
6. (56) Martin Truex Jr.
My crystall ball said to write Truex first. I might. Also, the NAPA Know How commercial just came on. It's been literally forever since I've seen it.
7. (16) Greg Biffle
Ze Biff knocked Joey off prov pole. And then complained on the radio.
8. (48) Jimmie Johnson
Jimmie had the weirdest warm up lap I think I've seen. I was expecting more of Mr.Home-Court-Advantage. The scruff doesn't look horrible today. But his hair could use a tiny cut, it's getting close to mullett territory. Also, I have no problem with him, it's the media's portrayal of him. I just want to say SHUT UP. But he talks and I don't mind at all.
9. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Crystal ball gave me an interesting Dale prediction. Wow, he was so much better with DEI than HMS. He was on a pole run, but fell to 3rd which bests Joey. Not sure what was up with that.
10. (20) Joey Logano
Joey was on provision pole. Didn't stay there all that long, he was also 3rd to go out, so that doesn't say a lot.
11. (5) Mark Martin
Andy Petree said Mark was looking very race in practice. Join with me in "ewwww" At the last split second ESPN said that he knocked Joey of pole, but he was one thousandth slower. He gave a shout out to all of his sponsors then said "It's early in the weekend"
12. (13) Casey Mears
Oh, the curse of the CM. Yet to attack.
13. (39) Ryan Newman
If Newman had made the chase he would be in 5th place. That means I should use the McMurray Calculation for him too. Also, that means 2 things that might have allowed him to make the chase are 1. If Bowyer had been penalized pre-chase and 2. If Joey could have controlled his car better.
14. (31) Jeff Burton
Burton qualified good ish. He was actually on a pole run for a moment. And I went "THE FUCK???"
15. (33) Clint Bowyer
Clint's got a new crew chief. He seriously needs to make some improvements. And of course everyone is looking at me saying "Wellllllll don't you control this stuff?"
16. (18) Kyle Busch
Kyle's speaking also bothers me. He sounds like a douche without saying anything douchy.
17. (24) Jeff Gordon
...I have nothing written about him. I guess his qualifying wasn't worth notes. He's short.
18. (6) David Ragan
Ragan was close to getting provisional pole. But the weird thing was that while they were showing him qualify, they also showed Jack. Also, I think he and Drew make a good pair. They have similar ish hair.
19. (78) Regan Smith
Regan Smith has the ugliest car ever. Really really ugly.
20. (99) Carl Edwards
Carl sat out second nationwide practice. He said that it was because he had that crappy qualifying in practice. I said he was a good talker. I still think it. He was having a totally awesome run and then blew it at the end
21. (29) Kevin Harvick
I cannot look at Harvick's picture while he qualifies. I think he wants to kill me or something. He qualified next to Carl. Idk if it's because I want to be Delana (sans Kevin, but whatever) but I think Harvick is kind of attractive in the chase commercial.
22. (14) Tony Stewart
I'm sick of Tony's soft calm chill voice.
23. (00) David Reutimann
Apparently Kyle and Reuty aren't past the issue, as I've read.
Reuty has been getting so much attention since last week. Maybe that was his plan all along? Maybe he's an attention whore?
Actually, I think he's a genius. He's gotten more attention than he did after his win in July. And seriously, now we know that the way to get notice is not performance.
24. (98) Paul Menard
Menard's headshot that they show on ESPN is weird.
25. (12) Brad Keselowski
Kezzy needs to get faster. While qualifying he did something kind of weird, then got on the radio and said "I didn't want to do that, but I think it might have worked." He also needs to finish well. Or win. Or finish well and win. His crew chief's name is Jay Guy.
26. (47) Marcos Ambrose
I didn't even see him qualify. Must have happened during commercial.
27. (83) Reed Sorenson
Reed spun in practice. I have nothing else interesting to say other than that.
28. (46) Michael McDowell
I read an article that mentioned him today.
29. (82) Scott Speed
Speedy was actually semi-speedy in qualifying.
30. (43) A.J. Allmendinger
Allmendinger was talking to Reuty. OOooh. Also, apparently he has an average finish of 10.7 in the last chase races, if he were in he would be 9th. But this is not so great, just saying.
skip a few until
34. (11) Denny Hamlin
Denny wants to finish 5th or better Sunday. He's in his Richmond car. I guess he hopes it's lucky. But seeing that he's all the way back here I kind of doubt it.
skip a few more
36. (164) Landon Cassill
Not my friend. But needs to actually do something interesting.
37. (77) Sam Hornish Jr.
Hornish needs a sponsor. Or a ride. Or a good finish.
38. (2) Kurt Busch
Kurt qualified like crap. And when it was over he was pissed at shouting at his crew chief. I'd like to ask him who he thinks is driving the car, though.
skip more
41. (7) Kevin Conway
Last year the rookies were Scott Speed and Joey Logano. This year it's Kevin. Cuteness has gone down. So has skill. Just saying.
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