I didn’t recognize where I was when I first opened my eyes. There was a lot of bright light. Not heavenly bright, but fluorescent. Sarah was anti-fluorescent and now I kind of understood why. My eyes began to adjust, and it turned out that I was in a hospital. So one the bright side-no pun intended-, I was not dead. My head was spinning and I felt so light headed. Kind of a little retarded. It took a minute to realize that I was paralyzed. That was scary. I wished Sarah was there. She’s better with this than I am. Luckily a doctor walked in to check on me.
“Are you okay?’ She asked gently
The concept of speaking was unsettlingly difficult.
“I can’t move.” I whispered.
“You’re in intense pain.” Oh, comforting. “We’re giving you drugs for that, but you can’t move right now.”
That still scared me.
“They need to take samples, so I’m going to stop the drugs so that you can move.”
“Will it hurt?” I asked fearfully
She smiled comfortingly “I hope not, but it might.”
Not fun.
I was alone again, waiting to be in pain. My head began to feel clearer, though. Sometime later I was in pain. My head was pounding, my arm was throbbing, and there was a shooting pain in my chest. But on the bright side, I could move. Someone else walked in.
“I’m Detective Stewart. I’m supposed to process you, can you sit up?”
I let her hold my arm and help me sit up straight, because I couldn’t do it all by myself. When she asked me to hold out my hands, I was embarrassed. I felt like a rape victim.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Maybe I should put excerpts in order
It was distractingly quiet, and I was beginning to get spooked. There would be moments when I thought I was hearing footsteps. Eventually I stopped and still heard steps. Silence. Then suddenly a crash, and someone was grabbing me around my neck. I tried to fight back, but the person was way to strong. Or maybe there was more than one.
“Sh, sh, sh.” They commanded me. “Better go somewhere more private.”
I was gasping for breath and air as they dragged me into a room connected to the hall. My back was smashed into the wall.
“This is better. More private.”
My blood was freezing, I could feel it.
He hit my face with a surprising amount of force, and I’d been already expecting a lot.
“How do you like that, faggot?”
I didn’t know what to do as he pounded on me, but then I saw a box cutter near me. I grabbed it and slashed the guy’s arm as much as I could. Not good enough. With brute force, I was thrown down to the floor and kicked. Something snapped my leg. Oh, so much pain. Someone lifted me back up and threw me back against the wall. A knife was pressed to my face.
“Fight and I swear. I’ll kill you.”
I didn’t want to die, I wanted spend more time with Sarah, and my family, and my friends. All I could think of doing was closing my eyes and hoping that it wouldn’t last to long. My head was bashed into the wall, I could feel blood trickling from my hair line. The guy grabbed my face and turned it toward him. His cruel eyes scared the living shit out of me. He pulled out the knife again and held it for a second. Maybe he wouldn’t use it, I hoped, but I was wrong. He snarled at me and plunged it into my stomach. I screamed out in pain.
I ended up face down on the floor again, but I couldn’t have had much time as I was bleeding so much. Although I struggled, I got myself up and started making my way through the room and then the hallway. The keypad was so close to me, but I couldn’t make it further and I collapsed next to it.
I didn’t want to die.
“Sh, sh, sh.” They commanded me. “Better go somewhere more private.”
I was gasping for breath and air as they dragged me into a room connected to the hall. My back was smashed into the wall.
“This is better. More private.”
My blood was freezing, I could feel it.
He hit my face with a surprising amount of force, and I’d been already expecting a lot.
“How do you like that, faggot?”
I didn’t know what to do as he pounded on me, but then I saw a box cutter near me. I grabbed it and slashed the guy’s arm as much as I could. Not good enough. With brute force, I was thrown down to the floor and kicked. Something snapped my leg. Oh, so much pain. Someone lifted me back up and threw me back against the wall. A knife was pressed to my face.
“Fight and I swear. I’ll kill you.”
I didn’t want to die, I wanted spend more time with Sarah, and my family, and my friends. All I could think of doing was closing my eyes and hoping that it wouldn’t last to long. My head was bashed into the wall, I could feel blood trickling from my hair line. The guy grabbed my face and turned it toward him. His cruel eyes scared the living shit out of me. He pulled out the knife again and held it for a second. Maybe he wouldn’t use it, I hoped, but I was wrong. He snarled at me and plunged it into my stomach. I screamed out in pain.
I ended up face down on the floor again, but I couldn’t have had much time as I was bleeding so much. Although I struggled, I got myself up and started making my way through the room and then the hallway. The keypad was so close to me, but I couldn’t make it further and I collapsed next to it.
I didn’t want to die.
Excerpt
I looked around the hospital, feeling helpless. Doctors were off trying to save Marcus, hopefully.
I looked at my hands, they were completely covered in blood—Marcus’s blood.
“Excuse me.” I timidly got the receptionists attention.
“Where could I wash…” what words made sense for what was wrong?
Thankfully the receptionist understood.
“Oh dear. You can go right down the hall, 3rd door on the left.”
Once in the bathroom, I began washing my hands. After scrubbing for the longest time, my hands still weren’t completely clean from blood.
When I got back to the waiting room, I collapsed. All I could do was sit and stare at my still soaked hands. After more than an hour of sitting alone in the silent room, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I stood up and put my arms around him devoid of a thought.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah.” Mitchell said quietly.
I practically brushed off his apology “Thanks for being here.”
He sat down next to me.
“I’m so scared.” I confessed tearfully.
“I know. But it’ll be okay.”
I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. What if some messed up piece of the universe wanted to take Marcus from me.
I looked at my hands, they were completely covered in blood—Marcus’s blood.
“Excuse me.” I timidly got the receptionists attention.
“Where could I wash…” what words made sense for what was wrong?
Thankfully the receptionist understood.
“Oh dear. You can go right down the hall, 3rd door on the left.”
Once in the bathroom, I began washing my hands. After scrubbing for the longest time, my hands still weren’t completely clean from blood.
When I got back to the waiting room, I collapsed. All I could do was sit and stare at my still soaked hands. After more than an hour of sitting alone in the silent room, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I stood up and put my arms around him devoid of a thought.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah.” Mitchell said quietly.
I practically brushed off his apology “Thanks for being here.”
He sat down next to me.
“I’m so scared.” I confessed tearfully.
“I know. But it’ll be okay.”
I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. What if some messed up piece of the universe wanted to take Marcus from me.
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Characters
This is just a list for now, I'll write about them later.
Sarah
George
Mark
Isaac
Naomi
Rochelle
John
Marla
Character X
Mitchell
Lexi
And I'm blanking out. I'll add more later too, I guess.
Sarah
George
Mark
Isaac
Naomi
Rochelle
John
Marla
Character X
Mitchell
Lexi
And I'm blanking out. I'll add more later too, I guess.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Confessions
TGO's down. So I'm writing them here.
Confessions:
1. The computer next to me "isn't working" but it's really just unplugged. I'm not telling anyone that's what's wrong, because I like not sitting next to anyone.
2. We're allowed to go on facebook, but for some reason I'm too scared.
3. I realized that my Tech Instructor looks more like Oliver Tompsett than Matt Doyle...while he was talking to me.
4. I flirted with a guy until he agreed to help me fix my laptop.
5. I may have looked longer than necessary at some of the XC guys with the mini-shorts.
6. I've become totally addicted to twitter. Especially with TGO not working.
7. The only reason I go on facebook is for my TGO-friends and Actor-friends. I couldn't care less about my "real" friends.
8. Everytime someone mentions a ninja or ninja-behavior I think of my friend who is a legit ninja.
9. Today I confused MLA citations and MLIA.
10. I wish I was still working at CIG
Confessions:
1. The computer next to me "isn't working" but it's really just unplugged. I'm not telling anyone that's what's wrong, because I like not sitting next to anyone.
2. We're allowed to go on facebook, but for some reason I'm too scared.
3. I realized that my Tech Instructor looks more like Oliver Tompsett than Matt Doyle...while he was talking to me.
4. I flirted with a guy until he agreed to help me fix my laptop.
5. I may have looked longer than necessary at some of the XC guys with the mini-shorts.
6. I've become totally addicted to twitter. Especially with TGO not working.
7. The only reason I go on facebook is for my TGO-friends and Actor-friends. I couldn't care less about my "real" friends.
8. Everytime someone mentions a ninja or ninja-behavior I think of my friend who is a legit ninja.
9. Today I confused MLA citations and MLIA.
10. I wish I was still working at CIG
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Excerpt
I was practically skipping. From what I'd heard, Marcus was *single*, it kind of seemed like we had good chemistry. Maybe I could just say his and make sure he realized that we'd be good together. I was allowed backstage without question. Marcus's room had two doors, I went through the first one and peeked inside the second one. Crap. He was busy. There was a girl with him, and they were together. Looking closer I saw that it was Sarah. The first few times we'd met it had been a little awkward, I got a vibe that she didn't like me. But then she became my understudy, and everyone said she was better than I was. And god, we were the same age. I felt too defeated to move, I just sat down by the door and contemplated how many levels of stupid I was. After awhile I heard "I'm sorry, I gotta go. But we'll be together later."
I jumped up and leaned against the wall, trying to act normal. When Marcus saw me, he smiled.
"Hey Lexi! What's up?"
I opened my mouth to respond, but my nerves got the best of me. Marcus hugged me and moved to leave.
"Can we talk later?"
"Ye...sh....okay." I stuttered in response. But he'd already ran off, leaving me just standing there.
The door opened again and Sarah walked out.
"Hi?" She asked, looking puzzled at seeing me.
"Sorry, hi" I responded embarassedly.
Sarah gazed at me, "If you wanted Jonathan..." she pointed out the door.
I looked at the floor.
"No, really. It's not..."
She nodded, but her expression was completely flat. "Oh?"
I tried to improvise "I came to see you!"
"Oh?" still no change.
"Yeah. I heard you're in charge of making the It Girl movie. And I was offering--"
"--I'm going to look elsewhere for Jenny."
"The mirror?" I countered harshly.
"No." Still unchanging expression.
Something in her voice made me feel a little bad, but I kept going. "I wanted to help with the producing and--"
"--I'm really not into just slapping on executive producer credits."
"No!" Why was she assuming that was what I wanted? "I meant with the writing or directing..."
"I'd prefer to save money and do it myself."
"You have to let me help!" I yelled frustratedly.
Sarah sharply raised an eyebrow, "Have to?"
"I'll work cheap. And it'll make your life easier, I promise." I plead.
"I'm sorry." She moved to leave "I have to go."
"Will you at least think about it?" I was acting quite desperate for something I thought of spur of the moment.
"Maybe" she responded quietly before turning and leaving.
I hated her.
I jumped up and leaned against the wall, trying to act normal. When Marcus saw me, he smiled.
"Hey Lexi! What's up?"
I opened my mouth to respond, but my nerves got the best of me. Marcus hugged me and moved to leave.
"Can we talk later?"
"Ye...sh....okay." I stuttered in response. But he'd already ran off, leaving me just standing there.
The door opened again and Sarah walked out.
"Hi?" She asked, looking puzzled at seeing me.
"Sorry, hi" I responded embarassedly.
Sarah gazed at me, "If you wanted Jonathan..." she pointed out the door.
I looked at the floor.
"No, really. It's not..."
She nodded, but her expression was completely flat. "Oh?"
I tried to improvise "I came to see you!"
"Oh?" still no change.
"Yeah. I heard you're in charge of making the It Girl movie. And I was offering--"
"--I'm going to look elsewhere for Jenny."
"The mirror?" I countered harshly.
"No." Still unchanging expression.
Something in her voice made me feel a little bad, but I kept going. "I wanted to help with the producing and--"
"--I'm really not into just slapping on executive producer credits."
"No!" Why was she assuming that was what I wanted? "I meant with the writing or directing..."
"I'd prefer to save money and do it myself."
"You have to let me help!" I yelled frustratedly.
Sarah sharply raised an eyebrow, "Have to?"
"I'll work cheap. And it'll make your life easier, I promise." I plead.
"I'm sorry." She moved to leave "I have to go."
"Will you at least think about it?" I was acting quite desperate for something I thought of spur of the moment.
"Maybe" she responded quietly before turning and leaving.
I hated her.
Excerpt
HUGE SPOILER ALERT
I stood outside the door, but I could see what was happening clear enough. Asking her had been hard enough, but now...I had an answer. Watching Mom try to cheer Dad up was making me feel worse. He looked like he was having a hard time not loosing it, but she just smiled weakly and held his hand. How could someone be so selfless. It was possible that I'd misheard--but she'd written that note, so clearly I hadn't. Her wish was clear, it would be my responsibility to make it happen. I watched as she kept holding his hand, but then her arm went slack. Dad was still holding her fingers as she didn't move. I darted into the room. Although I wanted to say something, I just couldn't. The emotions in me boiled over and I cried uncontrollably.
I stood outside the door, but I could see what was happening clear enough. Asking her had been hard enough, but now...I had an answer. Watching Mom try to cheer Dad up was making me feel worse. He looked like he was having a hard time not loosing it, but she just smiled weakly and held his hand. How could someone be so selfless. It was possible that I'd misheard--but she'd written that note, so clearly I hadn't. Her wish was clear, it would be my responsibility to make it happen. I watched as she kept holding his hand, but then her arm went slack. Dad was still holding her fingers as she didn't move. I darted into the room. Although I wanted to say something, I just couldn't. The emotions in me boiled over and I cried uncontrollably.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Name Character X!
Vote please!
Names: Jacob, Jake, Jack, Michael, Mitchell, Ethan, Josh, Daniel, Alex, Anthony, William, Chris, Jay, Andrew, Joseph, Joe, David, James, Jim, Ryan, Logan, Ben, Jonathan, Tyler, Sam, Nick, Gavin, Dylan, Evan, Kevin, Luke, Justin, Zach, Aaron, Tom, Cam(eron), Hunter, Conner, Owen, Jason, Carter, Ian, Brian
Source (Because I am SOOOO unoriginal)
http://baby-names.familyeducation.com/topnames/boys/
Background on character: (This is hard to not give to much away)
Really sweet and pretty much a stand-up guy. He's sensitive and open, and is usually the one who gets hurt. Biggest flaw is that he isn't that strong, emotionally or physically.
Names: Jacob, Jake, Jack, Michael, Mitchell, Ethan, Josh, Daniel, Alex, Anthony, William, Chris, Jay, Andrew, Joseph, Joe, David, James, Jim, Ryan, Logan, Ben, Jonathan, Tyler, Sam, Nick, Gavin, Dylan, Evan, Kevin, Luke, Justin, Zach, Aaron, Tom, Cam(eron), Hunter, Conner, Owen, Jason, Carter, Ian, Brian
Source (Because I am SOOOO unoriginal)
http://baby-names.familyeducation.com/topnames/boys/
Background on character: (This is hard to not give to much away)
Really sweet and pretty much a stand-up guy. He's sensitive and open, and is usually the one who gets hurt. Biggest flaw is that he isn't that strong, emotionally or physically.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Excerpt
Ironic. This whole thing was just ironic. I guess like is just so fucking ironic. Not ironic that makes you laugh. Not at all. It was ironic that practically the same awful thing had to happen again, only in reverse. The first time happened so long ago, but some events you remember every detail no matter how much time has past. Marcus was exactly the way that Sarah had been, both haunting. Neither had been a total wreck, but you'd be lying your ass off the say either had been okay. It was ironic of course, because I couldn't empathize with either of them, either time. But now they could empathize with each other I guess. I could now empathize with myself. Same as last time, the deep feeling of guilt. Yes, I'd always wanted Marcus, that couldn't possibly be a secret. But I hated thinking that I stood to benefit from Sarah being out of the way. I would've never wanted it to come to this--I love them both so much. The guilt had been worst last time, though, because I knew it was my fault and that what I had done had nearly gotten Marcus killed. 2 times now, I've had to look into the eyes of someone who was going through the single worst moment of their life. But Marcus was by far worse, sorrow mixed with desire was a terrible combination that made me feel terrible--and wish that I could do more.
I kept thinking about that letter. Something didn't seem right--all 3 of us would be happy? She was fucking dead! It should make me feel terrible, but everytime I started feeling badly that bad feeling was conquered by even more guilt of what she'd wanted. How could a dead best friends last request make me feel selfish?
They say some people are the same alive as they are dead, that makes sense because Sarah's still a conundrum.
I wanted to say something, but I couldn't think of a damn thing that wouldn't be upsetting. And I knew I couldn't ask Marcus if he was okay, he hated it when people asked that.
"Marcus?" I finally said timidly.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think she meant it?" was all I could manage to say.
He sat up and was quiet for awhile.
"y-yeah." he said shakily in the end. "I think so."
I didn't know whether to be happy or what. And I certainly didn't know what to say.
That's all for now!
♥ATUgirl♥
I kept thinking about that letter. Something didn't seem right--all 3 of us would be happy? She was fucking dead! It should make me feel terrible, but everytime I started feeling badly that bad feeling was conquered by even more guilt of what she'd wanted. How could a dead best friends last request make me feel selfish?
They say some people are the same alive as they are dead, that makes sense because Sarah's still a conundrum.
I wanted to say something, but I couldn't think of a damn thing that wouldn't be upsetting. And I knew I couldn't ask Marcus if he was okay, he hated it when people asked that.
"Marcus?" I finally said timidly.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think she meant it?" was all I could manage to say.
He sat up and was quiet for awhile.
"y-yeah." he said shakily in the end. "I think so."
I didn't know whether to be happy or what. And I certainly didn't know what to say.
That's all for now!
♥ATUgirl♥
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My "Audition"
I thought I'd take a brief moment to talk about my "audition" yesterday.
First off, it wasn't really an audition because I signed up for the class. But we had to sing a song for everybody.
I had been thinking about this since before the class started, when my teacher told me I already knew what song I'd do. (I decided on Air)
Because I have endless versions of this song, I listened to it a lot and made sure I knew the words and everything. Also thanks to videos and a good memory, I knew the (for lack of better word) choreography.
So I was confident....not. I'm never confident.
Just my luck, I was the one performing first. So I stood up and tried to collect myself. But of course, I was already shaking. I had planned on saying something funny, like "It's supposed to be Kacie Sheik, but I mix in some Kyle Riabko, Drew Tyler Bell, and Idina Menzel" (props to anyone who can understand the references!) but of course I was to frightened to say that. I only managed to say "It's called Air"
And I began. I took solace in the choreography and focused on embodying Jeanie-not some petrified girl.
I was doing alright but I was getting on my least favorite part "cataclysmic ectoplasm" which is always the part where I start to loose breath. It didn't help that my friend Sienna laughed when I said "atomic orgasm" but I managed to refocus so I could do the moves for "looking rather attractive..."
Of course when I finished I did the coughing at the end...I'm known as the coughing girl!
What I realized afterwords was I had made a great choice by picking that song. Not only are there so many versions that you can't compare me directly to anyone, but also nobody knew that song at all. I knew everybody else's songs and therefore I knew where everybody messed up a little bit.
So it went well. And the last girl was performing For Good (with the help of the girl who sang Superboy and the Invisible Girl) with a karaoke track, and everyone sang along at the end. It was quite fun.
XOXO
First off, it wasn't really an audition because I signed up for the class. But we had to sing a song for everybody.
I had been thinking about this since before the class started, when my teacher told me I already knew what song I'd do. (I decided on Air)
Because I have endless versions of this song, I listened to it a lot and made sure I knew the words and everything. Also thanks to videos and a good memory, I knew the (for lack of better word) choreography.
So I was confident....not. I'm never confident.
Just my luck, I was the one performing first. So I stood up and tried to collect myself. But of course, I was already shaking. I had planned on saying something funny, like "It's supposed to be Kacie Sheik, but I mix in some Kyle Riabko, Drew Tyler Bell, and Idina Menzel" (props to anyone who can understand the references!) but of course I was to frightened to say that. I only managed to say "It's called Air"
And I began. I took solace in the choreography and focused on embodying Jeanie-not some petrified girl.
I was doing alright but I was getting on my least favorite part "cataclysmic ectoplasm" which is always the part where I start to loose breath. It didn't help that my friend Sienna laughed when I said "atomic orgasm" but I managed to refocus so I could do the moves for "looking rather attractive..."
Of course when I finished I did the coughing at the end...I'm known as the coughing girl!
What I realized afterwords was I had made a great choice by picking that song. Not only are there so many versions that you can't compare me directly to anyone, but also nobody knew that song at all. I knew everybody else's songs and therefore I knew where everybody messed up a little bit.
So it went well. And the last girl was performing For Good (with the help of the girl who sang Superboy and the Invisible Girl) with a karaoke track, and everyone sang along at the end. It was quite fun.
XOXO